I’m a wreck & I blame my children

I’m a terrible person. I have children & then blame them for needing me.

However, I am an honest person. So, HONESTLY, I know I’m not the only parent who has felt this. In fact, I’m sure that most parents have felt this. No one will admit it, in fear that CPS will be at our door because of our “neglected” children.

My three year old son was diagnosed with severe autism at two years old.. while I was pregnant with my second child. My oldest throws anything & everything, screams regularly, hits, kicks, and is just generally unmanageable & unpublishable. Antiques destroyed, curtain rods consistently torn down, window LEDGES broken in half, dented walls.

I have two arms, two children. One child needs four arms, the other needs at least two. Atlas, I only have two. So, I’m often met with a choice: oldest or youngest? Other times, I don’t have a choice. The choice is made for me; and that is each kid gets one arm and neither get taken care of. They cried and screamed. I cried and screamed. The only difference being I felt immense guilt after the screaming part.

This week I was met with the dilemma “what in the literal fuck am I supposed to do?” I have a good support system, however, I cannot call on them all of the time. So what do I do? When my toddler has me pinned down & my newborn projectile vomits on me (true story). I can’t call out of “work” and I can’t even go take a break. Unfortunately, I still don’t know the answer. But I’ll keep you updated.