Struggling through

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t have a second of rest.

I kept thinking about it & was angry at myself for letting a day go by.

I’m realizing that I need to give myself a break. I’ve done really well within a month with this blog, in my personal opinion.

I’m about to be a part time student, I have a full time job as a nanny, and I’m a full time mother to a 4 month old.

Taking all of that on, I need to keep in mind that just because I have a set back, doesn’t mean I failed. I’m an aggressive go-getter who is extremely hard on herself.

Is anyone else a little too hard on themselves?

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Being your own Valentine

Valentine’s Day is a nice day. Flowers, chocolates, pretty cards. To be honest, my partner feeling obligated to give me flowers & chocolates isn’t a good feeling. I would rather have small gestures NOT on Valentine’s Day, so that I know it is voluntary & he is doing it because he loves me.

Years when I didn’t have a Valentine, I bought little pink, heart shaped cakes & flowers. I watched Bridesmaids to relate, THEN give myself hope that I’ll get pulled over by an officer & find love. The morning after Valentine’s Day, I bought myself all chocolate on clearance. I enjoyed the hell out of Valentine’s Day because I took care of myself.

Valentine’s Day as a couple is kind of awful. We should always make each other feel special & do nice things for them – not expect or feel obligated to spend your entire paycheck on one certain day. I think it’s the simple things as a couple that speaks the loudest. Making coffee & cinnamon buns for breakfast, going to the park, and making Valentine’s Day cards for each other – personally, that would mean more to me.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?!

8 ways to navigate your relationship

1. Complete honesty. If you made an “uh oh,” don’t make another “uh oh” by lying about it. Do not try to protect their feelings using a lie. Trust is something that is not easily recovered. If they lose trust, even though they forgive you, they cannot make themselves trust you again.

2. Kindness. Duh. We need kind words constantly and we look to our partners for support and comfort. Give them that.

3. Make them coffee, let them sleep in, leave them sweet notes, buy them little reminders that you love them. Follow up those kind words by showing them you mean it.

4. Forgiveness. Everyone is going to mess up – You are going to mess up & anyone you ever have a relationship is going to mess up. So forgive who you love, because love isn’t easily found.

5. Compromise. Netflix, dinner, weekend plans, date ideas, whatever it may be – it is not all about you.

6. Respect. When you argue, if you speak respectfully, it is more likely that you will resolve the problem instead of creating new ones. Just because you are comfortable with each other doesn’t mean you can be an asshole, then be forgiven. One day they won’t be so forgiving.

7. Know your partner. Know that they are easily angered when stressed, know that they startled easily, know that they need you to ask how their day was. Know these things so you can take care of your partner accordingly.

8. Expect to not like them sometimes. It’s not always going to be great, no matter who you are with. So be patient with yourself & your partner, knowing that relationships have ups and downs.

Is there anything that you, personally, find important to keeping a relationship afloat?

Wear that struggle

When you sweat profusely at the gym, don’t you feel like a total badass? You’re walking around looking tired as hell, clothes drenched, you’re glistening in the florescent gym lighting. You’re checking in on Facebook “puttin’ in work 💪🏻” and taking your gym selfie. You walk around with confidence that say “yep, I did that. I worked hard as hell, bettering myself.” Something that’s actually pretty gross, we wear with pride.

So tell me, why don’t we wear our dark undereyes with pride? Why don’t we walk into that local coffee shop looking tired as hell? Why don’t we walk around with a confidence that says “Hey, I just got done crying. But I got out of bed, so can I get a quad espresso?” Mamas aren’t wearing their breast milk drenched shirt around like a medal. Those who are going through divorce aren’t flaunting their tearful, red eyes.

You should wear your hard times with pride. They are called “hard times” for a reason – because it’s hard! You’re still getting out of bed, you’re handling your shit, and you are still here. “Oh well, everyone goes through hard times. It’s nothing to give attention to.” Uh, hell yeah it is. Let’s not sell ourselves short here! Let’s be proud of ourselves more often and say “I’m going through something right now, the stress is unbelievable, but I’m bettering myself and I’m still going.”

Stop hiding what you find to be a weakness, because it’s actually your strength being put to the test. You’re dealing with your problems and that is admirable. Leave the concealer alone, keep cold towels off of those red eyes, and stop trying to fit into those NONE-pregnancy jeans (just embrace the stretchy band). Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.

Let’s connect & let’s bond over how hard life is. So tell me, what are you going through? What struggle are you proud of?

Passion ain’t just for Nicolas Sparks novels

“Quality over quantity.” It’s a good saying for those of us who don’t have much, yeah? It is true, though. What would life be if you lived to be 100 years old, but you never once lived with intention. You survived, you stuck around, but you never lived. You were in a metaphorical coffin by the age of eighteen.

You learned the importance of money quickly & decided that being an artist will never pay the bills. You met a man who didn’t have anything to offer & left him for man with a bright future. He could give you what you needed. You soon learned that you needed love & he couldn’t put that on his credit card for you. You survived, but you didn’t live. You stepped into that coffin the second you told yourself “happiness won’t pay my bills.”

You learned the importance of money quickly & you learned the importance of happiness even quicker. You decided that life without passion is no life at all. You met a man who didn’t have anything to offer except for his love & support, but that was what you needed. You burned the metaphorical coffin the second you told yourself “life without passion is no life at all.”

I have caught myself just surviving, staying with jobs because they made enough money. I’ve put passions of mine aside, because they didn’t provide me with an income. Society’s idea of success can turn passionate people in slaves of survival. Do not lose your passion for life, for your art, for people. Without passion, we can only survive.

Show me your insecurities, show me your mess, and show me the cookie dough in your fridge

After a long day of holding a crying baby, holding back crying myself, looking like a horrific mess of a person.. I stumble upon someone’s vlog that’s titled “Morning Routine.” It’s laughable. Imagine this: a perfectly tanned, fit girl with beautiful blonde hair looking rested as HELL waking up to a bright and shiny day. She lives in her minimalistic penthouse apartment in LA, because who doesn’t, right? She starts her day off with her morning grains, wheatgrass shake, some seeds, and like, a fourth of a banana. Next, she does her forty minutes of yoga & meditation because yoga is life and without it, she’s totally “off.” Next, she takes a shower and uses about 62 products. You can guess how the rest of her day goes.

This is totally, please excuse my language, fucked. I’m sorry, but I’m not fooled. I am absolutely exhausted even watching her faking it. It’s not realistic. I have seen so many professional Instagrammers, vloggers, journalists, etc. who exaggerate the truth. I know that’s not real, but the sad part about this is that a lot of women don’t. You might do yoga, but I know you are just showing off the best two second clip you could find. You might eat healthy, but you aren’t showing the cookie dough in your fridge. You might use a few products, but you are pulling out the entire arsenal with that one. You might have a nice apartment, but I know you shoved all your mess in the corner out of sight.

Why in the world is perfection so sought after? It’s not real, it’s not human, and it makes other women feel like shit. It makes all women feel like shit, because we are all fooling each other into making this seem achievable. If you feel like you have to be like these other women, please assure yourself that they are working their ass off to keep up this appearance. You can try to keep it up, that’s up to you – but please know, that it’s not expected nor should it be.

Give me real any day of the week, because all of these “perfect” girls bore me to death. Show me your insecurities, show me your mess, and show me the cookie dough in your fridge. Tell me what makes you angry, tell me about that time you were being unreasonable, and tell me about that time you embarrassed yourself. Give me something to relate to and to reassure me that we are just human. Let’s be okay with just being who we are and put an end to this façade.