Four years ago I moved to the Midwest from the East coast. Against all of the warnings that I wouldn’t make it by myself, I thrived. I made friends, I landed a wonderful full time job, and most importantly I found my partner and had my son. When things got hard, I was told to come home. I politely declined the offer.
Now, four years later, I have decided to move in with my parents. Not because I need them, but because they need me. Everyone is warning me that I will hate it and that I need to do what’s best for my family.
Well I am. I am doing what is best for my family.
My parents raised four children and did an unbelievable job. They did everything they could for their children. They have been married for 37 years. However, life is swallowing them whole. Despite all of the warnings, I know this is what I need to do.
I want my son to know kindness. I want my son to see what it means to love. I want my son to know that if you love someone, you take care of them no matter what.
I proved everyone wrong when I moved to the Midwest and now I will prove everyone wrong again. Because I live with my decisions and if someone else makes my decisions for me, well I would never be able to live with that.
I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t have a second of rest.
I kept thinking about it & was angry at myself for letting a day go by.
I’m realizing that I need to give myself a break. I’ve done really well within a month with this blog, in my personal opinion.
I’m about to be a part time student, I have a full time job as a nanny, and I’m a full time mother to a 4 month old.
Taking all of that on, I need to keep in mind that just because I have a set back, doesn’t mean I failed. I’m an aggressive go-getter who is extremely hard on herself.
Is anyone else a little too hard on themselves?
I know you all have had an off day and you have so many things you need to write, yet you’re staring at a bright computer screen completely blank. You type the beginning of about four lousy sentences and delete each of them thinking “I’m making zero sense.”
It’s frustrating. You have so much to say, yet nothing is coming to mind. That is our job as writers, if you think about it. We have to put these feelings that everyone feels into words, which not everyone is capable of.
That’s why I write; to try & give clarity to those who don’t know what they are feeling. That’s why we all read; to understand that we aren’t alone in these feelings. We need those moments where we go “YES. I’ve been thinking/feeling this and I haven’t been able to convey it! But this writer nailed it!”
So when you are having difficulty conveying your feelings or ideas, take a deep breath. This is what we write for and when you finally get it right, it will be the best feeling in the world. Not only for you, but for those people who genuinely thank you for giving them clarity.
Why does no one like to admit to being broke? It’s embarrassing, I suppose.
I’m not talking about the kind of broke that has a nice savings account. I’m talking about the broke that can barely pay bills.
I think a lot of us are struggling more than we lead on. My partner and I have great full time jobs that pay well over minimum wage, we live in an inexpensive apartment, and don’t do anything ever. Yet, we are still living paycheck to paycheck. No one talks about it though, so we feel ashamed.
I don’t really have eloquent words or valuable lesson. I just want to say being broke is awful, so don’t make it worse by feeling ashamed by it.