Man, oh man, am I glad that my computer remembered my password to this blog. I haven’t written in so long that I was pleasantly surprised my blog’s name. Casual Compositions. Nice. Anyway – I’m over here having a whole ass crisis. I started an Etsy business like every other stay at home mom. Little did I know, that starting this business would create an uproar inside of my head.
About three months ago, I decided to leave my part time job slingin’ coffee to sell vintage. I don’t know if people are lying to me when they say “wow, that’s so cool!” However, I do know, that I would absolutely lie to someone under the circumstances of them staring directly into eyes and me not wanting to break their creative spirit and drive. I recently made a Facebook page for my Etsy. I sent everyone on my friends list an invitation. I, very quickly, realized that this was equivalent to presenting a project in front of everyone from your 5th grade best friend’s grandma to your ex-boss who sent you a breast pump about two years ago.
I remember a conversation I had with my mom as soon as I started my business. I called, and with a very serious demeanor, I said: “mom, I have deep rooted trust issues.” What does my mother say? She said, in the most upbeat manner possible, “good for you!” Now, this was not the response I was expecting. I honestly didn’t even know where she was going with that. She explained to me that I’m smart enough and I have been through enough to understand that most people aren’t trustworthy. She gave me an example; if someone burns you, are you going to trust them? No, you’d be a fool.
At this point, I am thinking: the hardest part to cope with about my trust issues isn’t that I’m wrong… It’s that I’m right. When I send Facebook invites to my 8th grade Spanish teacher, I know he’s going to remember how I skipped class and would say something like “this is where skipping class gets you – Etsy.” When I post four to six photos on my Instagram, there are going to be people who will unfollow me because I am dreadfully annoying. There are going to be family members who think “there’s no way in hell that’s going to go anywhere” and that is going to be ok.
There is a question I always ask myself when I am putting a lot of work into something. “Would you still be doing this, if you never got any credit for doing it?” This really puts my motives into perspective. Are you doing it because you love it or because it looks good on you? Your success isn’t a sweater from H&M. Your success is for you. It is only for you.
When you sweat profusely at the gym, don’t you feel like a total badass? You’re walking around looking tired as hell, clothes drenched, you’re glistening in the florescent gym lighting. You’re checking in on Facebook “puttin’ in work 💪🏻” and taking your gym selfie. You walk around with confidence that say “yep, I did that. I worked hard as hell, bettering myself.” Something that’s actually pretty gross, we wear with pride.
So tell me, why don’t we wear our dark undereyes with pride? Why don’t we walk into that local coffee shop looking tired as hell? Why don’t we walk around with a confidence that says “Hey, I just got done crying. But I got out of bed, so can I get a quad espresso?” Mamas aren’t wearing their breast milk drenched shirt around like a medal. Those who are going through divorce aren’t flaunting their tearful, red eyes.
You should wear your hard times with pride. They are called “hard times” for a reason – because it’s hard! You’re still getting out of bed, you’re handling your shit, and you are still here. “Oh well, everyone goes through hard times. It’s nothing to give attention to.” Uh, hell yeah it is. Let’s not sell ourselves short here! Let’s be proud of ourselves more often and say “I’m going through something right now, the stress is unbelievable, but I’m bettering myself and I’m still going.”
Stop hiding what you find to be a weakness, because it’s actually your strength being put to the test. You’re dealing with your problems and that is admirable. Leave the concealer alone, keep cold towels off of those red eyes, and stop trying to fit into those NONE-pregnancy jeans (just embrace the stretchy band). Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.
Let’s connect & let’s bond over how hard life is. So tell me, what are you going through? What struggle are you proud of?
Why are we, as humans, so naturally judgmental? I’m not going to say that I don’t inwardly judge, because I am guilty. I’m hella guilty. I am constantly telling myself not to be an asshole. Why do we group together people of the same race, religion, sexual orientation, and political view? We like to say “they” a lot, as if everyone who shares a common belief/background are the same person. How do we not realize that not everything is so black and white? Especially people! We need to remember that life is hard enough without trying to put everyone in a box.
I’m about to write something that most people aren’t going to like. We judge people who we believe to be awful people and it’s completely justified because they “deserve” it. Think about all of these wonderful people you are missing out on knowing because they believe in same sex marriage (or don’t)! Think about all of the kind people you disrespected because you don’t believe in the god they serve. Think about all the friends you never forgave because they made a mistake that you made, yourself, a few years later.
I’m going to go in the opposite direction of what you think I’m going to say. Now, let’s think about how we judge really pretty women. Especially as moms, we tend to feel immediately intimidated by a woman who has it seemingly all together. Why do we really think that this woman doesn’t have problems of her own? At the end of the day, her kid is shitting on her too – mentally or physically. Even if we are positively judging someone, yet secretly hating them for it, let’s not sell them short of life’s hardships. Nothing is more frustrating than someone venting to me about how easy MY life is because 1. you weren’t there when I cut all my hair off during a mental breakdown and 2. I will start crying right now.
I’d like to believe that we can make a conscious decision to not judge. An easy way to do this is to remember that we are all different. “No shit, Hannah” you’re saying. How often do we forget how absurd & boring it would be if we were all the same and agreed politically and/or religiously? Everyone was raised differently and everyone believes they’re right. Let me say that again: everyone believes they are right. Every single person can find those “awful people” and justify why they deserve it. Opinions are opinions, ok? Stand your own ground, but let other people stand theirs as well. Mind your own shit and be nice.