Struggling through

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t have a second of rest.

I kept thinking about it & was angry at myself for letting a day go by.

I’m realizing that I need to give myself a break. I’ve done really well within a month with this blog, in my personal opinion.

I’m about to be a part time student, I have a full time job as a nanny, and I’m a full time mother to a 4 month old.

Taking all of that on, I need to keep in mind that just because I have a set back, doesn’t mean I failed. I’m an aggressive go-getter who is extremely hard on herself.

Is anyone else a little too hard on themselves?

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Being your own Valentine

Valentine’s Day is a nice day. Flowers, chocolates, pretty cards. To be honest, my partner feeling obligated to give me flowers & chocolates isn’t a good feeling. I would rather have small gestures NOT on Valentine’s Day, so that I know it is voluntary & he is doing it because he loves me.

Years when I didn’t have a Valentine, I bought little pink, heart shaped cakes & flowers. I watched Bridesmaids to relate, THEN give myself hope that I’ll get pulled over by an officer & find love. The morning after Valentine’s Day, I bought myself all chocolate on clearance. I enjoyed the hell out of Valentine’s Day because I took care of myself.

Valentine’s Day as a couple is kind of awful. We should always make each other feel special & do nice things for them – not expect or feel obligated to spend your entire paycheck on one certain day. I think it’s the simple things as a couple that speaks the loudest. Making coffee & cinnamon buns for breakfast, going to the park, and making Valentine’s Day cards for each other – personally, that would mean more to me.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?!

Wear that struggle

When you sweat profusely at the gym, don’t you feel like a total badass? You’re walking around looking tired as hell, clothes drenched, you’re glistening in the florescent gym lighting. You’re checking in on Facebook “puttin’ in work 💪🏻” and taking your gym selfie. You walk around with confidence that say “yep, I did that. I worked hard as hell, bettering myself.” Something that’s actually pretty gross, we wear with pride.

So tell me, why don’t we wear our dark undereyes with pride? Why don’t we walk into that local coffee shop looking tired as hell? Why don’t we walk around with a confidence that says “Hey, I just got done crying. But I got out of bed, so can I get a quad espresso?” Mamas aren’t wearing their breast milk drenched shirt around like a medal. Those who are going through divorce aren’t flaunting their tearful, red eyes.

You should wear your hard times with pride. They are called “hard times” for a reason – because it’s hard! You’re still getting out of bed, you’re handling your shit, and you are still here. “Oh well, everyone goes through hard times. It’s nothing to give attention to.” Uh, hell yeah it is. Let’s not sell ourselves short here! Let’s be proud of ourselves more often and say “I’m going through something right now, the stress is unbelievable, but I’m bettering myself and I’m still going.”

Stop hiding what you find to be a weakness, because it’s actually your strength being put to the test. You’re dealing with your problems and that is admirable. Leave the concealer alone, keep cold towels off of those red eyes, and stop trying to fit into those NONE-pregnancy jeans (just embrace the stretchy band). Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.

Let’s connect & let’s bond over how hard life is. So tell me, what are you going through? What struggle are you proud of?

Passion ain’t just for Nicolas Sparks novels

“Quality over quantity.” It’s a good saying for those of us who don’t have much, yeah? It is true, though. What would life be if you lived to be 100 years old, but you never once lived with intention. You survived, you stuck around, but you never lived. You were in a metaphorical coffin by the age of eighteen.

You learned the importance of money quickly & decided that being an artist will never pay the bills. You met a man who didn’t have anything to offer & left him for man with a bright future. He could give you what you needed. You soon learned that you needed love & he couldn’t put that on his credit card for you. You survived, but you didn’t live. You stepped into that coffin the second you told yourself “happiness won’t pay my bills.”

You learned the importance of money quickly & you learned the importance of happiness even quicker. You decided that life without passion is no life at all. You met a man who didn’t have anything to offer except for his love & support, but that was what you needed. You burned the metaphorical coffin the second you told yourself “life without passion is no life at all.”

I have caught myself just surviving, staying with jobs because they made enough money. I’ve put passions of mine aside, because they didn’t provide me with an income. Society’s idea of success can turn passionate people in slaves of survival. Do not lose your passion for life, for your art, for people. Without passion, we can only survive.

The pain is there, you just can’t see it

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For the majority of my life, I lived in Virginia Beach, Virginia. There was a lot of tourists, military, city life, etc. On weekends, when I was about 10-14 years old, my parents used to take me down to Gaston, North Carolina. This place, at my young age, was dreadfully boring. There was a Piggly Wiggly (grocery store) down the gravel road and a Dollar General. We would also go into town to go to Walmart. Ooh, fancy, yeah? Needless to say, there wasn’t too much going on down there.

On a few occasions, I remember my dad sitting outside with me to watch meteor showers. I had never seen them because of the light pollution in the city; this was all strange & new to me. I remember being wrapped up in a blanket just staring up at the stars; there were so many. My 12 year old self thought: “Shit, I’m small.” Then, I got back to the city, forgetting about the stars and remembering how my life is so hard because my room was messy, I had a twenty five page paper due the next day, & classmates are assholes. I was no longer small and my problems were no longer comparatively insignificant.

Out of sight out of mind, right? I think we, as humans, make that mistake quite often. Of course, we have bigger issues that are out of sight such as global warming, war, poverty, starvation, etc. We do not have those issues nor do we see them first-hand, so we tend to live as if they don’t exist. How awful is that? That we tend to live as if our problems are of the utmost importance, even though there are people who are plagued with worry every single day because they don’t know if they will survive.

Let’s make it even more relatable for you. That person you cut off because they were driving the speed limit (we all know you can go five miles over the limit) just found out that her mother passed away. You didn’t witness it though, so it didn’t happen. That woman with all that plastic surgery you just degraded? Her mother made her believe she wasn’t worth anything until she was skinny & beautiful. But, you didn’t witness that, so it didn’t happen. The barista that you complained to the manager about because he is extra slow? He can’t pay his rent this month and is facing eviction. Yet again, you didn’t witness it, so it didn’t happen.

Let’s stop being so horribly ignorant. Can we, please, start living life as if we know nothing? Reason being, we don’t know the problems people face. So everyone, live with kindness in your heart and stop feeling so self-important. Remember that the stars are there, we just can’t see them.

Waiting? You mean wasting.

What is it that you do daily that makes you look forward to tomorrow? Is it your job? Is it the stopping at your favorite coffee shop to order a light roast & a slice of banana chocolate chip bread? Is it hanging out with your friends and family? Is it watching Orange is The New Black for the fifth time?

I have found myself, far too often, spending five days of the week just waiting for Saturday & Sunday. What a miserable way to live life, wasting it on waiting. Not only do we, as humans, wait for the weekend, but we also wait for life to finally be better. We are waiting to have a little extra income, to find our other half, to be skinnier, to have our dream home, to finally be happy. What we are doing by waiting is actually wasting.

We are wasting the present on the possibility of the future. It all comes to the saying “happiness comes from within.” I’m sure you’re going to say “yeah, bullshit,” because I used to think the same way. The truth is, that you will spend your entire life waiting because it will never be enough for you. You have to find contentment and enjoyment in your daily life, and that just depends on your perspective.

Be a mama who can say “do as I do”

I want to know what gem came up with the saying “do as I say and not as I do?” If someone told me that now, at the age of 25, I’d be livid because what makes you the exception? For decades mothers everywhere have been using the “do as I say and not as I do.” I have, too, fallen victim to the effortless way out of explaining my actions to a ten year old. However, children don’t know how to say “wow, you’re a hypocrite and I’m not listening to you,” so the argument is over. Here I am about to offend some mamas, but that’s lazy parenting.

You may say “I don’t need to explain myself,” but here’s the thing… You should, because when your baby is old enough to make their own decisions, they are going to say “I don’t need to explain myself.” Why don’t we explain to them why we are allowed to give a big F.U. to the Pathfinder that just cut us off, but they can’t give the finger to the classmate who pushes everyone around? Why don’t we explain why we are allowed to eat a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey at 10:00 AM, but they can only have a scoop of vanilla after dinner? Why don’t we explain to them why we are constantly on our phone, but they can only have an hour of screen time? Probably because we can’t technically explain that.

We really shouldn’t be doing any of that and our babies are calling us out. Now, I’m not saying don’t eat that Chunky Monkey, because damn, being a parent is hard. However, I do believe we should start explaining our actions, even if giving the middle finger salute to the Pathfinder isn’t morally justified. Maybe we could put our best foot forward instead, and start being a mama who can honestly say “do as I do…” Or we could just eat the Chunky Monkey when they go to bed.