We are what we have gone through

I’m almost 25.

In elementary school, I was told by Katherine that my breath stinks and no one wants to be my friend.

In junior high, I was sent an IM on AIM by Becca and she told me that I was pathetic. I was also sent a message by Mckenzie that I was too ugly, I was too pale, my clothes were ugly, and that everyone actually hated me.

In 8th grade, Jerika tried to get me kicked out. It didn’t work, but they guidance counselor told her children not to hang out with me. It spread through out my entire grade so I transferred schools.

In 10th grade, Jerika transferred to the school that I did and told everyone we were best friends.

In 12th grade, I was told that I looked like I had down syndrome by Josh. He was my boyfriend. He also lied about cheating on me to see me cry.

When I was 21, I had a boyfriend who forced me to have sex with him or he threatened to break up with me.

When I was 22, Taylor accused me of stealing her tattoo idea and bashed me on Facebook where others told me how I’m a bitch.

When I was 22, I had a boyfriend who told me I wasn’t successful enough to be his girlfriend.

When I was 23, I had a boyfriend cheat on me with his ex.

I’m 25 years old with my 4 month old son and my fiancĂ©. These moments still affect me. I cried in the kitchen holding my son today, because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I don’t want friends, I don’t like people. This is because I don’t want to be rejected. We are what we have gone through. I am made out of what these people have done to me.

I dread the moment my son starts getting bullied and his heart broken.

I can tell myself that I am worth it. I can tell myself that they were hurt people themselves. I can tell myself that I am better than them. I can tell myself that I have loving people in my life now.

I can tell myself all of it, but those words can’t be taken back. They have done their damage.