There will always be wolves amongst the sheep

Man, oh man, am I glad that my computer remembered my password to this blog. I haven’t written in so long that I was pleasantly surprised my blog’s name. Casual Compositions. Nice. Anyway – I’m over here having a whole ass crisis. I started an Etsy business like every other stay at home mom. Little did I know, that starting this business would create an uproar inside of my head.

About three months ago, I decided to leave my part time job slingin’ coffee to sell vintage. I don’t know if people are lying to me when they say “wow, that’s so cool!” However, I do know, that I would absolutely lie to someone under the circumstances of them staring directly into eyes and me not wanting to break their creative spirit and drive. I recently made a Facebook page for my Etsy. I sent everyone on my friends list an invitation. I, very quickly, realized that this was equivalent to presenting a project in front of everyone from your 5th grade best friend’s grandma to your ex-boss who sent you a breast pump about two years ago.

I remember a conversation I had with my mom as soon as I started my business. I called, and with a very serious demeanor, I said: “mom, I have deep rooted trust issues.” What does my mother say? She said, in the most upbeat manner possible, “good for you!” Now, this was not the response I was expecting. I honestly didn’t even know where she was going with that. She explained to me that I’m smart enough and I have been through enough to understand that most people aren’t trustworthy. She gave me an example; if someone burns you, are you going to trust them? No, you’d be a fool.

At this point, I am thinking: the hardest part to cope with about my trust issues isn’t that I’m wrong… It’s that I’m right. When I send Facebook invites to my 8th grade Spanish teacher, I know he’s going to remember how I skipped class and would say something like “this is where skipping class gets you – Etsy.” When I post four to six photos on my Instagram, there are going to be people who will unfollow me because I am dreadfully annoying. There are going to be family members who think “there’s no way in hell that’s going to go anywhere” and that is going to be ok.

There is a question I always ask myself when I am putting a lot of work into something. “Would you still be doing this, if you never got any credit for doing it?” This really puts my motives into perspective. Are you doing it because you love it or because it looks good on you? Your success isn’t a sweater from H&M. Your success is for you. It is only for you.






Wear that struggle

When you sweat profusely at the gym, don’t you feel like a total badass? You’re walking around looking tired as hell, clothes drenched, you’re glistening in the florescent gym lighting. You’re checking in on Facebook “puttin’ in work 💪🏻” and taking your gym selfie. You walk around with confidence that say “yep, I did that. I worked hard as hell, bettering myself.” Something that’s actually pretty gross, we wear with pride.

So tell me, why don’t we wear our dark undereyes with pride? Why don’t we walk into that local coffee shop looking tired as hell? Why don’t we walk around with a confidence that says “Hey, I just got done crying. But I got out of bed, so can I get a quad espresso?” Mamas aren’t wearing their breast milk drenched shirt around like a medal. Those who are going through divorce aren’t flaunting their tearful, red eyes.

You should wear your hard times with pride. They are called “hard times” for a reason – because it’s hard! You’re still getting out of bed, you’re handling your shit, and you are still here. “Oh well, everyone goes through hard times. It’s nothing to give attention to.” Uh, hell yeah it is. Let’s not sell ourselves short here! Let’s be proud of ourselves more often and say “I’m going through something right now, the stress is unbelievable, but I’m bettering myself and I’m still going.”

Stop hiding what you find to be a weakness, because it’s actually your strength being put to the test. You’re dealing with your problems and that is admirable. Leave the concealer alone, keep cold towels off of those red eyes, and stop trying to fit into those NONE-pregnancy jeans (just embrace the stretchy band). Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.

Let’s connect & let’s bond over how hard life is. So tell me, what are you going through? What struggle are you proud of?

Show me your insecurities, show me your mess, and show me the cookie dough in your fridge

After a long day of holding a crying baby, holding back crying myself, looking like a horrific mess of a person.. I stumble upon someone’s vlog that’s titled “Morning Routine.” It’s laughable. Imagine this: a perfectly tanned, fit girl with beautiful blonde hair looking rested as HELL waking up to a bright and shiny day. She lives in her minimalistic penthouse apartment in LA, because who doesn’t, right? She starts her day off with her morning grains, wheatgrass shake, some seeds, and like, a fourth of a banana. Next, she does her forty minutes of yoga & meditation because yoga is life and without it, she’s totally “off.” Next, she takes a shower and uses about 62 products. You can guess how the rest of her day goes.

This is totally, please excuse my language, fucked. I’m sorry, but I’m not fooled. I am absolutely exhausted even watching her faking it. It’s not realistic. I have seen so many professional Instagrammers, vloggers, journalists, etc. who exaggerate the truth. I know that’s not real, but the sad part about this is that a lot of women don’t. You might do yoga, but I know you are just showing off the best two second clip you could find. You might eat healthy, but you aren’t showing the cookie dough in your fridge. You might use a few products, but you are pulling out the entire arsenal with that one. You might have a nice apartment, but I know you shoved all your mess in the corner out of sight.

Why in the world is perfection so sought after? It’s not real, it’s not human, and it makes other women feel like shit. It makes all women feel like shit, because we are all fooling each other into making this seem achievable. If you feel like you have to be like these other women, please assure yourself that they are working their ass off to keep up this appearance. You can try to keep it up, that’s up to you – but please know, that it’s not expected nor should it be.

Give me real any day of the week, because all of these “perfect” girls bore me to death. Show me your insecurities, show me your mess, and show me the cookie dough in your fridge. Tell me what makes you angry, tell me about that time you were being unreasonable, and tell me about that time you embarrassed yourself. Give me something to relate to and to reassure me that we are just human. Let’s be okay with just being who we are and put an end to this façade.